Today... OK... the past week, I have been having a moment."Moments" are times in my life when I burst into tears at the smallest things or become crazy angry (once again) at the smallest things. These "moments" started when we began the adoption process with HG. (I had a LOT of these special times during our 22 month wait for our Bundle of Joy! ) Usually, I cry, pray, buy something, read the Bible, or go for a walk until the "moment" passes.
So far with SH's adoption, I have only had 2... maybe 3 episodes. I believe that is really good since we started the process in Dec. 2007. With the delay of my fingerprints, I was calm. With all the paperwork, still calm.
But now... I am NO longer calm!
NOW, I am fluctuating between the crying and anger! The reason for my frustration stems from the INS. It is really the USCIS. We sent our BIG check and paperwork in March. Our homestudy was delayed (NOT because of our TRULY, AWESOME social worker ) because of the fingerprint issue. So, the homestudy was sent in June.
HOWEVER, we have STILL NOT received our fingerprint appt with the USCIS. HOW CAN THIS BE?!?!
I have e-mailed and called (multiple times) the diligent workers at the USCIS. Unfortunately, I have received NO response (except a generic e-mail that assures me someone will be in touch with me in 2-3 business days).
So, what do I do?
I have a MOMENT!
Through all of this, I try to remember that EVERYTHING fell into place PERFECTLY with HG's adoption. I know that there is a BIGGER reason for the delays. I know that God is in control. I know that He is taking care of SH. She is in His hands.
I know this.
But, I am having a MOMENT.
So, after crying and the anger (none of which is directed at anyone around me), I decide to pray and go shopping.
HG and I walk into a store and head to my favorite department...Children's Clothing!
As I walk down the aisle, I see pajamas. They do not need pj's because my mother has already supplied 8 sets for each girl. But, I am drawn to the rack.
There they are... 2- size 3T Monkey PJ's!
In that MOMENT I realized that my Heavenly Father saw, heard, and felt my pain.
One of my fears is that SH will be a year older when we arrive in China.
I am believing that SH will be home in time to wear these pajamas.
When I took the PJ's upstairs to the girls' closet, I saw a plaque someone gave us during HG's wait.
It has a scripture on it.
Isaiah 43:5
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west."
Once again, HE heard me. HE saw my heartache. He knows I need HOPE.
HE also reminded me of our daughter's name.
Sarah Hope's name came from a scripture.
Hebrews 10:23
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for HE who promised is faithful."
Faith.
That is what I am working on.
This is a picture of my mother's faith.She made HG a stocking back in 2006. She recently finished SH's Christmas stocking. She brought by last week and said, "I am sowing seeds of faith."
Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
HE knows.
And, just now I looked up from the computer to see 2 ladybugs climbing up the wall.
HE cares, even about the little things that mean soooo much to me.
3 comments:
Stephanie I am praying for you this morning...I feel your frustration, and I also feel your joy over God giving you these little glimpses that He is there! Whoever says adoption isn't for wimps AIN'T LYIN'!
Believe me, we have been praying for the orphan officer at CIS...I just sent them an email yesterday...another one. I never get replies.
Our hope is in God! He is the ONLY one who can help right now! And He is so faithful, and He knew before time began there would be a backlog at CIS, so we just remember that He has our girls in His hands and He will keep them safely in His keeping place until He knows it's the perfect time for them to come home.
May God grant BOTH of us that peace that passes all understanding and the ability to rest in Jesus while we wait.
And in the meantime, we'll enjoy the gifts He's given us...like your future Olympian! She is such a doll!
Let's get together for another zoo trip with Connie and Lisa soon? I miss my zoo buddies terribly!
Love you,
Laine
The wait is so hard....I have been there and there isn't a thing I could say to make it better other than I understand. Praying for you.
oh Stephsnie I haven't checked in in a while and was thinking of you today. I am so sorry. You are a mother and your daugher is 1000's of miles away. Ofcourse you are having a moment. I am going to specifically pray about your situation this week, I am so sorry for your heartache.
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